"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
