my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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