I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
