thus making me awesome and them whores
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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