We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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