So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
