That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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