im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
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I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
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Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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