people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
