I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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