...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
