He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
