i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
