Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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