I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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