Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
