I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
