Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
