There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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