Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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