allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
