return my video game
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
