His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
