please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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