I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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