His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
