there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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