hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she smelled like a LAN party
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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