If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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