Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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