everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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