I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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