I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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