Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
