i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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