i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have tasted many bathrooms
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
