Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
