those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
