Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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