My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
