Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
