One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
