OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
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i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
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I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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