i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
