"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I touched a dick in church today
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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