we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
