There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
