he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
