i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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