We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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