I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
