My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
