hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
