I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
