I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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