I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
