honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
