Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
sarcasm needs its own font
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
