Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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