Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
