Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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