So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
