I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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