Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
