D3 body, D1 cock
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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