will power is for people who don't want to get laid
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
