guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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