I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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