naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
