Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
