you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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