so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
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Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
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Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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