I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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