She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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