even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
