I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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