2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
