Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sober January is a disaster.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
