I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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