I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
